woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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