i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
