At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
