y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
