yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
