i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
