i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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