Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
