I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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