Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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