So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
