I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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