I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
