Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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