Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
