its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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