Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
