this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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