I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Come on in and take your pants off
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