You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
