I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
