I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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