Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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