I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
