My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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