And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
