When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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