So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
