Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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