I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
