It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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