I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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