it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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