I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
