see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
should my penis look like a turkey
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
