but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
