**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
