dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
