i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
