meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
