grandma shit on top of the toilet
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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