Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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