just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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