the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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