I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
