apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
