SEEEEXXX PLEASE
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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