hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
