My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You took a bar mat shot.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
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