I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
