Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.