Texts From Last Night

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  (845): View more from New York

  i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low

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  (845): i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low http://tfl.nu/h0oa
  Replies (7) Good night (771) Bad night (1260)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  accomplished twins. life is a go

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  (651): accomplished twins. life is a go http://tfl.nu/t3ng
  Replies (4) Good night (4123) Bad night (576)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...

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  (203): i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room... http://tfl.nu/dscd
  Replies (17) Good night (807) Bad night (8204)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart

  (281): View more from Texas

  What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?

  (660): View more from Missouri

  Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni

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  (660): Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart (281): What theme did he decide on for the bathroom? (660): Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni http://tfl.nu/hovp
  Replies (19) Good night (5293) Bad night (995)
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  (619): View more from California

  you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.

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  (619): you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you. http://tfl.nu/x6wp
  Replies (9) Good night (6073) Bad night (760)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms

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  (785): He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms http://tfl.nu/p81e
  Replies (12) Good night (964) Bad night (3894)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween

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  (405): Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween http://tfl.nu/jypy
  Replies (20) Good night (1523) Bad night (3253)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...

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  (303): Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time... http://tfl.nu/53f4
  Replies (4) Good night (2403) Bad night (1106)
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  (518): View more from New York

  my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks

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  (518): my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks http://tfl.nu/8135
  Replies (11) Good night (4546) Bad night (1205)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?

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  (317): What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am? http://tfl.nu/0wpx
  Replies (8) Good night (1830) Bad night (808)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Goddamn tequila

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  (306): I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one (306): Goddamn tequila http://tfl.nu/4ri7
  Replies (5) Good night (2231) Bad night (695)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.

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  (814): Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud. http://tfl.nu/9n74
  Replies (5) Good night (1103) Bad night (518)
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  (805): View more from California

  We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...

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  (805): We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians... http://tfl.nu/wh6c
  Replies (1) Good night (815) Bad night (340)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program

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  (780): I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program http://tfl.nu/uwem
  Replies (1) Good night (803) Bad night (306)
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  (956): View more from Texas

  He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".

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  (956): He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home". http://tfl.nu/jd1t
  Replies (1) Good night (576) Bad night (252)

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