but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Jerry, you need to find god
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Randomize
