I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
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He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
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Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes