I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
