The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
