I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
They are going to name an STD after you.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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