just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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