babies were throwing up all over the place
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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