Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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