She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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