Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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