His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
