maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
