Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
