Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
