Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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