I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
then he tried to convert me to islam
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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