my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
