Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
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He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
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It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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