What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
