youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
