States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
