Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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