at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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