Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Barsexuality is the new black.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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