My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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