I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
