I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
