I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
