hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize