she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
