He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
where am i from again
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
