Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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