My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
