Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
