apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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